Otalia drabbles - What Now? #2

[calliopes_muse]

Title: What Now?

Fandom: Otalia

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to CBS.

Spoilers: For upcoming episodes, YES!!!.  If you don't want to be spoiled, don't read my fics.

A/N: This will probably be a series of drabbles helping me deal with the imminent WoD and its aftermath. I’ve never really done drabbles, but I have to get the emotions of this out there.  These actually may be more ficlets than drabbles, but whatever...

Part 1

Part 2

The day had flown by in a flash of satin and flowers. It didn’t feel real and now I know why…it wasn’t real. None of it, and when you said those words, “the woman I’m in love with,” I knew why none of this had felt right.
 

 

Then you practically shoved me down that aisle and Rafe nearly dragged me and everyone was smiling and happy and…there he was, perpetually happy and oblivious. I watched you walk up the aisle in front of me, and my heart tripped. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you and the thoughts that raced through my mind didn’t belong in a church. Yes, I glanced at them and him, but I always came back to you. Always.

 

This was not good.

 

My heart was pounding. Everyone was watching, and I couldn’t look at him. I could feel your eyes on me though. They burned into me even when I wasn’t looking, my body heated remembering the look in your eyes when you said those words “the woman I’m in love with.” Dear God. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. Jesus, I was frozen and those words kept running through my head “the woman I’m in love with.” 

 

Like some strange language that I couldn’t make sense of, I saw him talking. He was saying his vows, and I was frozen. Time was running out.

 

“Natalia?”   I couldn’t move.

 

“Natalia!” It was Doris, trying to get me to repeat the words. Then she gave me a look and glanced at Olivia… “the woman I’m in love with.”

 

I was about to say the words, too shocked to do anything else, when Mallet made some smartass comment about my hesitancy and Coopers always getting left at the altar, and Frank turned to him to tell him to shut up. I looked at him then, really looked at him, and saw the endless years ahead of me. I felt sick, not over him, but over what I had done to him and the Coopers and mostly Olivia. In my haste to stop my feelings for her, feelings I had explained away in hundreds of ways, I had hurt more people in the process. 

 

This was not good, but it was better than what could have been.

 

“I can’t do this.”

 

“What?” His boyishly enthusiastic smile fell.

 

“Don’t ask me to explain. Not yet.” I heard the cacophony of confusion behind me, lots of tears and a couple of curse words, and I heard her. She was calling me as I raced out the door into the crisp afternoon air, but I didn’t stop. I had to get home. I had to think.