Why I Fight On - Blogging for LGBT Families Day

Today is Blogging for LGBT Families Day.  I will be honest, I haven't blogged on personal/political/LGBT issues for a long time.  I was burned out by defending my life and my family constantly and took a break.

Over the last few months though, I've been reminded of why this is so important.  Why we need to speak out and stand up.  I have a daughter.  A beautiful little girl that when she calls me "Momma" my heart melts and when she hugs me I feel like I can conquer the world.  I know I can't on my own, but she makes me want to.

My partner and I are nearing the end of a long second-parent adoption process.  We're awaiting a date to go before the judge and finalize everything.  We're fortunate that we've had a supportive donor, supportive friends and family, and the legal system so far has worked in our favor (which is saying a lot in our very, very red state!)  We started the process probably over 10 months ago, and didn't realize how long it would take.  We've been blessed that nothing catastrophic has happened in the meantime, and we've also been blessed that we've managed to find the money to cover the cost of the adoption.  We've spent close to $4000 on the lawyer and the home visit.  Let me tell you how much fun it is to have your life opened up for the world to see!!!  Nothing like having a stranger question every minor thing you've done.  It didn't matter that we'd already been raising a perfectly healthy child and paying our bills, providing above and beyond for our daughter.  Everything was questioned.  It's ironic that our finances were questioned since we had to deplete our savings just so we could have the social worker question why we didn't have any savings.  Oh, gee, because we had to pay YOU!!!

Many people think it's not necessary for us to marry as long as we can pay for all these expenses, but the fact is, even though we can marry in a few states now, we'd still have to go through this adoption process even in MA.  Adoption is universal, recognized everywhere, but our marriages aren't.  In Iowa, my partner and I could marry for $35.  A simple piece of paper issued by the government.  But I still wouldn't be anymore of a parent to my daughter.  This is where inequality and piece-meal legislation hurts us, all of us.  Every day that ticks away risks my daughter's sense of security.  Anything could happen between now and when the adoption is finalized.  I try not to think of those things, or I'd never sleep, but it's there...always.

I want my daughter to feel safe and secure and confident about her place in this world.  I don't want her always worrying about who will raise her if something happened to me or her mom.  I don't want fights and custody battles over her with sanctimonious family.  I want to give her peace and security.  That's my job as a parent.  I kiss booboos and I protect her from the world.  I fight to keep her from hearing hate directed at her or her family from people who think they have a right and a place to hurt us.  I want her growing up in a world where she can go anywhere, do and be anything she wants, and love freely.

No matter what the world says or what the laws say or even religion says, she's my child and I'll fight for her to have a better life than I had.  Hate legislation and inequality don't just hurt the gay or lesbian individual it's directed at, but our children too.  For all the talk by conservatives and religious fundamentalists about loving children and protecting them, they're doing a bang up job of hurting them.

But I will fight on...for her.

Otalia fic - First Date, 5/5

Title: First Date, 5/5
Fandom: Otalia
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Yes, for the 5/5 & maybe 5/6 episode.
Warnings: None
Disclaimers: Guiding Light and Otalia belong to CBS and P&G. I’m getting nothing from this but a little bit of amusement.
A/N: My version of a resolution of the spa trip.  No interruptions and two women in love getting a bit carried away.  Good times!

Part 5

Natalia was hardly able to contain herself on the short drive back to the spa. She refused to let go of Olivia’s hand in the car, and she stole looks at her as the moonlight flickered in and lit up the car, casting mysterious shadows across her face. She fought the urge to lean over and kiss her, to touch the soft planes of her face that the shadows caressed. Instead, she memorized the feel of Olivia’s hand in hers and studied the lines and smooth skin on the back of her hand, running her own fingers over Olivia’s. She closed her eyes to push out the image of Olivia’s hands touching her, sliding underneath clothing and inside where she needed her most.

An imperceptible whimper lodged in Natalia’s throat as she shifted in her seat. She wanted to beg Olivia to drive faster, but getting there in one piece was far more important. Patience, usually one of her more steadfast virtues, was quickly dwindling in Olivia’s presence. She had fought it for so long, and now she didn’t have to anymore. This moment was almost surreal. Part of her never expected to actually get here, but now she couldn’t imagine anywhere else she wanted to be.

They walked hand-in-hand to the room. Natalia slightly behind, enjoying watching Olivia’s hips sway. Olivia slipped the keycard in the lock and before she could put down her purse, Natalia had her pressed against the closed door, kissing her with a knowing mouth.

Olivia gave in to the persistent tongue and wandering hands. It was as if they’d been doing this all their lives. Touching with a familiarity and understanding of lifelong lovers. She had been concerned their first time would be awkward, assuming Natalia’s seeming inexperience, but she was becoming more than pleasantly surprised at the turn of events.

Natalia slipped her hands up to the zipper of Olivia’s dress, never losing contact with her mouth, a thigh slipping smoothly between Olivia’s legs. Olivia let out a whimper of appreciation at the contact, and worked to pull Natalia’s shirt from its confines as well.

Natalia yanked Olivia’s top down from her shoulders and leaned back, breaking the kiss, to look at Olivia with her chest heaving in the pale light of the room. 

She ran the tips of her fingers over Olivia’s collarbone and down to the dip between her breasts, relishing the visible shiver that ran through Olivia’s body, “You’re so damn beautiful, Olivia. I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Natalia’s voice was deeper, roughened by an edge of desire, and it made Olivia weak in the knees. She found it hard to speak when the effect of her voice was combined with the dark look in Natalia’s eyes. She had seen desire and lust in a lover’s eyes, but she had never seen anything like this. It was more than simple desire in Natalia’s eyes. She brushed her fingers along Natalia’s cheek, pulling her close to see deeper when Natalia gave a voice to the image she was seeing.

“You’re the one, Olivia. The one I’ve waited for all my life.”

Olivia’s heart clenched in understanding. That’s exactly what this was. Not sex, but so much more. A force unnamable and eternal. She leaned down and brought their lips together, literally feeling everything past, present and future clicking into place. All the missteps had brought them to this moment, to each other. The broken loves of their past washed away and forgotten with the joining of their souls.

Natalia’s hands drifted to Olivia’s back, teasing over her spine, nails grazing over warm skin until they reached her bra. She quickly undid the offending garment and threw it aside before pulling her own shirt off.

Hands wandered, teasing breasts; mouths kissed, licked and sucked at any skin in reach. Olivia slowly guided them back to the bed, where she leaned over and knocked off maps, papers, and hastily disguarded clothes.

Olivia broke the kiss to focus on the zipper of Natalia’s pants, where she uncharacteristically fumbled. Natalia took her hands, calming her instantly.

“Let me,” Natalia slipped her pants off and sat back on the bed. She dangled her feet at Olivia and smiled at her. Olivia smiled back and pulled off Natalia’s boots and pants in one smooth move, before kicking off her heels and slipping her dress off as well.

She crawled up on the bed beside Natalia, bracing on one arm as her other hand caressed the fine hairs at the base of Natalia’s neck causing a shiver to pass through the brunette. Natalia turned on her side instinctively wanting to get closer to Olivia. She ran a hand over Olivia’s hip and kissed her shoulder. Olivia watched as Natalia slowly worked the kisses along the top of her breast, heading lower, her body shaking in anticipation, until Natalia’s mouth settled over her and took her in. 

A gasp of need was pulled from Olivia as Natalia sucked hard on her nipple and Natalia moaned in sympathetic response as Olivia’s hips rolled against her. Natalia never lost contact with Olivia’s breast as she slid down her underwear and then proceeded to take off Olivia’s. Olivia helped by removing Natalia’s bra. It was as if there was a mutual understanding that they needed the skin-on-skin contact, to be as close as possible.

Olivia lifted her leg until her thigh was over Natalia’s hip. Natalia could feel Olivia’s wetness against her stomach and it caused a jolt to shoot down between her own legs. She was amazed to have this affect on Olivia. This was for her, for them, for all of these months of fear and denial. It culminated in this moment, to this feeling of need. She ran her fingernails over Olivia’s hip, pulling her impossibly closer before letting her hand slip between them.

The first touch of Natalia’s hand took Olivia by surprise before she settled into the wonderful feeling of strong and gentle fingers discovering her, easily slipping in her wetness. Olivia pulled Natalia’s face up to look at her. She needed to see her eyes.

“Natalia,” Olivia’s voice hitched. She was close, so damn close. “I can’t…I won’t…oh God.”

“Touch me, Olivia.”

Olivia’s head was spinning. She had waited for this moment, for the permission to give herself and her love to Natalia. She slid her leg off of Natalia to make room to reach down and touch her. Natalia sighed at the first touch and rested her head on Olivia’s shoulder.

“Oh, Liv.”

“Baby…I’m so…close,” Natalia looked back up into Olivia’s surrendering eyes.

“I’ve got you. Let go.” Olivia didn’t break eye contact until the last second, watching as Natalia followed her over the edge. They clung to each other, shuddering and mouth’s hovering but not kissing, riding out the sensations together. They stayed like that for a long moment before Natalia gently kissed Olivia back to earth.

“I love you,” Olivia whimpered at the words from Natalia and the tears came before she realized what was happening. She had heard those words so many times in the past, but this was Natalia and this time…she knew they were for real.

“I love you too.”